I was reading a friend's blog on how much money can make one happy..and that got me thinking. What exactly is happiness? Is it a state of mind, or a result or something that we own or possess or have achieved? What makes us truly happy? And thinking about that led me to come across this rather interesting answer-whenever I compare myself to others, I seem unhappier than my reference point, specifically a reference point that I think is at a higher level than me.

Social comparisons can happen in both ways, with a higher or a lower status reference point. For me, it doesnt make me any happier to see anyone worse off than me, but it would make me unhappy to see someone who in my view is "doing better" either professionally or personally or both. It happened to me a while ago that a rather boastful friend got online and was showing off her new accomplishments in the recent past, a new husband, a new job, new everything..reminds me of that famous scene from Deewar between Sashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan:

AB: mere paas building hai, bank balance hai...tumhare pas kya hai?
SK: mere paas maa hai (if u r the MTV types like me, u will probably say..CAN U REPEAT THE QUESTION?! hehe!)

but yes, SK's reply makes total sense, its about what we have that we should be happy for. Whenever the urge comes to compare ourselves with others, I have the following pointers that I want to highlight, more for myself than for anyone else, but having written it out and posting it online, maybe it will enable me to change the way I see certain things..

1) Capitalize on your strengths. God or Nature (whatever you believe in!) gives us all our strengths to work with. Identify them and use them.

2) Tell yourself daily, I am my own person and can make a difference to the world around me.

For now, I intend to practise these p0ints and remind myself of these insights from time to time, so I am not caught up in the social comparison trap again.

To a better view of the world!

Scene at a campus dhaba at a famous tech school in the South of India, with a bunch of friends, and a New Friend, who seemed so familiar, like we had known each other for a very long time.
A vibe can be felt sometimes with someone you have just met, and it seems like you've known them forever...

Anyways so this time at the dhaba, we were all talking and generally having fun, when suddenly, one of us said to the New Friend, "Hey what is it that you are drinking?" The guy who asked the question was already bugging this new girl, with this and that, so New Girl (aka New Friend, henceforth known as NG!) replied, "Batman's drink". It was a popular soft drink that came out at the same time that Batman did..(no, neither the drink nor Batman are gay, atleast as far as I know, else the movie would be called..Batman Returns to Brokeback Mountain, but that's an entirely DIFFERENT blog!) ;)

Here's how the conversation went:

NG: Batman's Drink

Guy: Blinking, (not knowing what to say)

Me: You see what makes it so special is that it's Grape flavored..a Grape flavored Batman Drink..how about that? I'm scared to even think which part of Batman went into making that drink! ;)

NG and Me are the only two people getting the drift of the conversation, as we double up in laughter!

End of story.

Footnote:

1) Guy, if you are still reading this, its a waste of your time, coz if you didn't get it the first time, you will NEVER get it-even if you ask Batman for help.

2) NG and gang, welcome to Batman's Grapes..more shots at this will be coming soon, so watch this space for more. ;)

Max Ehrmann Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations,in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952. (http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html)

A New Day, A New Beginning..

As I wake up today, I see a new dawn, new hope to begin my day. It must be all the classical music I've been listening to lately..since classical music is my way of getting over stuff, getting back to the positive, usual Me! My favorite raga is the Hamsadhwani..most of the songs composed in this raga have this happy, upbeat quality to them, that enlivens any dull day! :)

Back to music, work and life!

Yes, my blog is The World According to Me-more interesting sounding than Everything Under the Sun. :)

Cleansing ritual..

Spring cleaning one's inbox can be such a neat experience! I've been just going thru all my old mails (how jobless can I be, right? given that we get 1GB of space on any account these days, we never hav to delete another mail..) But there was a specific reason for me doing so. I wanted to get rid of old stuff so I wouldnt hang on to it, so I can make a fresh start. Its like hitting the refresh button on top of one's web page. Well, a real time version of the same process is on as I delete some mails that I've held on for far too long.

To freedom and a cleaner inbox! ;)

"Strange Relationship"

Do you love me?
Or am I just another trip in this strange relationship?
You push and pull meand I'm about to lose my mind
Is this just a waste of time keep acting like you own me
I keep running, watch me walking out that door I hear you behind me

Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt pleasure and pain like this
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong
I keep holding on
Gimme that strange of us gotta let go of this
I keep pushing and you keep holding on
I'm already gone

Do you love me?
We break up and back together
And I swore to myself never
Oh how you do me
You strip me of my honor
And I don't ever think
I'm gonnaBreak free of these mind games
All I'm trying to do is modify my plan
'Cause I can't contain you


Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt pleasure and pain like this
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong
I keep holding on
Gimme that strange relationship
One of us gotta let go of this
I keep pushing and you keep holding on
I'm already gone

You keep acting like you own me
I can't control me
You said you never really wanted me back
Well maybe if that's a fact
May I suggest
A brand new plan of attack
And in defense of that you're hard to crack
You're way off trackI want you back,
I want you gone
Maybe I'm sick of holding on

Do you love me?
Or am I just another trip in this strange relationship?
Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt pleasure and pain like this
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong
I keep holding on
Gimme that strange relationship
One of us gotta let go of this
I keep pushing and you keep holding on
I'm already gone

(Source: www.azlyrics.com)

There was once a girl and a boy. Both good friends for many years. Then one day the girl decided to leave town to pursue her destiny. The boy left soon after, to a different town, in search of his own fortune. Both kept in touch through mails (yeah this IS a story set in 2006 you know!;)) Anyways, movin on, the girl is very supportive of the boy whenever the boy runs into trouble. He runs to his 'girl pal' in search of solace and kind words whenever he faces adversity. The girl more than willingly helps him get over his troubles. Times change, and one day the boy finds another girl whom he decides to marry. And does so. His old friend, is left wondering, asking, wasnt it meant to be me? Before she can question what is going on, the marriage is done. It is only then that it dawns on her that maybe, just maybe she had feelings for the boy.

What is the girl to do?

I know of a million movie story lines that run along a similar theme like the story above. But it just so happens that the story above is true. This makes me feel that Art does indeed imitate life.

I think we all have stories like this..of unrequited love. What is the heart to do in a time like this? Forget it and move on? But how? I think a good place to start is to forgive oneself one's flaws and one's feelings only as natural, and then focus on moving on in life. Life is far more promising than we realize on a daily basis. Whenever life throws up a challenge, it also provides us an opportunity to rise to the challenge, to use our abilities to meet the demands of the situation.

It is only in times of disappointment and adversity that our real selves, (or latent strengths) emerge. It is upto us to identify our areas of strength and use them to the best of our ability.

I am on a similar journey of self exploration, of discovery of what is hidden inside of me. Hope to find exciting new lands that are hidden for now, but waiting to be discovered! :)

Bon voyage!!

Happiness and Sadness-two sides life

We all want to be happy dont we? Then shouldn't we be prepared to accept sadness as well? Can one exist without the other? When everyone around us is happy (atleast everyone significant in one's life) that makes our life also peaceful and meaningful. But there comes a time when things are rough. At that time, do we hang on, or give up and quit? I am reminded of this episode of Seinfeld where George says, "So what? Quitting is easy..my father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, my greatgrandfather was a quitter...its in my family..i was raised to give up!" hehe! Funny as this sounds, its true. When we see others around us persevering in the face of hardship, it compels us to move on. What is this thing that endures in the face of adversity anyway? Is it just blind faith or optimism or belief in a higher force? Whatever our beliefs are, I think we are all blessed with this inner strength that helps us thru bad times.

I guess all I'm trying to tell everyone is that we should just keep the faith in ourselves and in God (whatever we conceive Him/Her to be!) in times of trouble, and sure enough, one day things will be better.

Its just a matter of sayin, "I CAN", no matter what. When Life seems to say.."YOU CANNOT", get back to it and say..."I CAN". Sure will make Life happy to hear that! ;)

In this ever changing world there are few things that remain constant and never changing (and thank god for that!) Im talking about old friends. Was just reminiscing with a girl pal of mine, of 11 years..how the years have flown past..the world has changed since we were in high school together, and both of us individually have also changed. But when we meet, our bond has remained the same. Its really amazing to think that I might see her like once or twice a year, sometimes even less, but still we take off from where we left the last time we were talking. We are in regular touch over mail and chat, inspite of having such different lives. I feel so connected to her. Thru good times and bad, we've been together.

Lets give it up for friendship! :)